One of my callers this week was a man who had been obsessed with his step mother for over fifteen years and he wanted to know if he should approach her. I thin found out she was divorced from his father for over five years, so she wasn’t even his actual step mother anymore, merely the ex wife of his father and she was only ten years older than he was.
So what seemed a bit more unlikely at the beginning of the call, certainly made a more likely possibility after he shared the facts with me. I said to go for it, you’d never know unless you tried and what is the worse that could happen, she says no. He was afraid his father would be told, I laughed and said you’re over thirty five years old, what is your father going to do, ground you? Some people are still in those earlier roles even though decades may have passed the parentals have no actual control over you anymore, in their minds, they still sort of do and incurring their wrath is not what they want.
Some people just need perspective and a bit of encouragement to go after what they want and are desiring. I hope he does go after her and something good happen as a result for both their sakes. Lots of guys desire their actual mom and that’s likely never going to pan out, but a former step mom, that has a much higher chance of actual success and becoming a reality.